went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
