Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Send help, water and tortillas.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
