did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
