Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
