chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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