I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think my mom watched the whole time
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
