So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
