your thong is hanging out like whoa
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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