pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
