Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
