So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
