I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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