Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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