please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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