So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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