I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
