I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
