Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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