i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
