she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
