Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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