i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
