Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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