We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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