he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
