dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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