Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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