It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
