i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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