he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
