Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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