that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
