babies were throwing up all over the place
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
