$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
