So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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