I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My liver just broke up with me...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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