My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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