I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
