Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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