I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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