Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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