Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think my fart just growled at me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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