I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
