GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
