so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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