stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
operation have a gay friend backfired
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
