I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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