I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
