census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
