i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
