u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
