I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
