he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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