i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
